Eytan Bayme went to Jew­ish day school and Jew­ish camp. He lived across the street from a syn­a­gogue in the Bronx, which he attend­ed week­ly, and kept kosher for most of his child­hood. Yet even at the age of six, he want­ed to know what the deal was with those Piz­za Huts and Burg­er Kings that he wasn’t allowed in. God wouldn’t put them on Earth if He didn’t mean for us to try them, he thought. Wasn’t that obvi­ous? Also why can’t he stop think­ing about girls in bed, late at night, with his lit­tle broth­er five feet away? And how come the start­ing line­up for the 1986 Mets keeps creep­ing into those fantasies?

High Hol­i­day Porn is the sto­ry of an Ortho­dox Jew­ish boy in the Bronx who dis­cov­ers mas­tur­ba­tion dur­ing Passover din­ner, gets caught with porn on Yom Kip­pur, and final­ly fig­ures out that the way into a girl’s pants is through her heart. It’s a hilar­i­ous and heart­warm­ing mem­oir that will res­onate with any­one who ever felt awk­ward grow­ing up.

Vis­it­ing Scribe: Eytan Bayme

Jews for Christmas

Korn­bluh’s Kosher Fish

The Cut