By
– September 22, 2011
Wendy Mogel’s latest book, The Blessing of a B Minus argues pointedly that too many of our young people are like “handicapped royalty,” princes and princesses “who study brilliantly and are full of conviction but don’t know how clothes get clean or how to read a credit card bill.” In her central chapter, she calls upon teens to learn how to balance homework, chores, paid and unpaid jobs. If they don’t know how to perform regular, everyday jobs, then they will grow up lacking essential skills, failing to live up to important values. For that reason, she writes, “Taking out the garbage is as holy as finding a cure for cancer or jumping in a river and saving someone from drowning. It’s as holy as making valedictorian.”
As in her earlier book about younger children, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, Mogel recommends that we let adolescents make mistakes. Yes, allow them to get a little lost or a little muddled and let them find their own way out of a pickle. Yes, encourage them to volunteer for some ennobling work in far-off places, but also have them get jobs scooping ice cream or flipping burgers, where they report to adults who insist that the kids do their jobs correctly. At home, to give a mundane example, let them learn the hard way to load the dishwasher efficiently; praise their novice efforts, and show them the consequences when the plates aren’t rinsed effectively. Guide them toward sleep when they stay up too late. This is not a book about disciplining a child; it is a guide to helping our teens to grow up while they are still living at home. By the time they have to depend on their paycheck for the roof over their heads, there is less room for forgiveness and for mistakes.
Mogel writes for readers of all ethnic backgrounds, and her writing is a special treat for a Jewish audience that appreciates the biblical, rabbinic, and folk wisdom peppering the book. Mogel recommends that parents function like the pillar of cloud that represents God’s presence in the Book of Exodus: it is detached and deeply concerned without being overbearing. She encourages families to cultivate and maintain the sanctity of Shabbat meals when teenagers often resist family dinners.
The Blessing of a B Minus recommends that we treat adolescents as a blessing in spite of their eccentric hairstyles and clothing, and even in spite of their occasional rudeness. We shouldn’t let them become “handicapped royalty.” Instead, we should celebrate and cultivate their capacity for empathy and moral responsibility while acknowledging that we might not always succeed on the first try.
When I shared Mogel’s book with my own adolescent daughter and son, they both thumbed through it, nodding to each other and quoting to me from her words of wisdom. A book about adolescents could not receive a higher recommendation! Just when we think we are done parenting our adolescents, we adults have to wonder if they are ready for the challenges ahead in college. Colleges today offer a bewildering array of choices that might easily lead students to lose sight of the values that guided them as young people, so it is especially helpful to have two new guides for college students.
Jewish U guides students toward creating a Jewish life away from home when big questions arise: “Will it be OK (or even cool) if I put up a mezuzah?” “What if my roommate is really different from me?” “How will I celebrate Rosh Hashanah away from home for the first time?” The author, Scott Aaron, helps students to anticipate some of the most challenging moral decisions a student will face about sex, love, and drinking, and he provides guidance that can help independent-minded young people to make thoughtful choices. The author encourages students to explore their religious options, approaching Judaism like the liberal arts, exploring Jewish values and Jewish theologies while trying out a range of Jewish practices. This is a terrific read for high school students deciding where to apply, and it is useful in Jewish schools with college guidance offices.
College Knowledge includes 101 tips for a Jewish student at college. Some of the advice is not surprising: “Ask for Help” (#7), “Take Small Classes and Seminars” (#28), and “Find Your Voice and Take a Stand” (#54). The author, David Schoem, goes beyond the superficial level by explaining how students can follow up and make good use of his advice.
Encouraging readers to be open to new intellectual experiences, Schoem also advises, “Expand Your Comfort Zone and Change the World” (#5), “Develop Good Study Habits” (#6), and “Become Skilled at Different Ways of Knowing” (#35). Schoem also offers advice that helps students to grow in their self-concept: “Navigate and Learn from Your Experience as a Religious Minority on Campus” (#65) and “Make Your First Visit Home a Good Experience” (#82). This book can help to neutralize some of the inevitable anxiety around the life changes taking place during the college years. This is the kind of book that can sit by the bedside, read not necessarily from cover to cover, but opened instead from time to time like a compass that helps one to find one’s way out of the woods.
As in her earlier book about younger children, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, Mogel recommends that we let adolescents make mistakes. Yes, allow them to get a little lost or a little muddled and let them find their own way out of a pickle. Yes, encourage them to volunteer for some ennobling work in far-off places, but also have them get jobs scooping ice cream or flipping burgers, where they report to adults who insist that the kids do their jobs correctly. At home, to give a mundane example, let them learn the hard way to load the dishwasher efficiently; praise their novice efforts, and show them the consequences when the plates aren’t rinsed effectively. Guide them toward sleep when they stay up too late. This is not a book about disciplining a child; it is a guide to helping our teens to grow up while they are still living at home. By the time they have to depend on their paycheck for the roof over their heads, there is less room for forgiveness and for mistakes.
Mogel writes for readers of all ethnic backgrounds, and her writing is a special treat for a Jewish audience that appreciates the biblical, rabbinic, and folk wisdom peppering the book. Mogel recommends that parents function like the pillar of cloud that represents God’s presence in the Book of Exodus: it is detached and deeply concerned without being overbearing. She encourages families to cultivate and maintain the sanctity of Shabbat meals when teenagers often resist family dinners.
The Blessing of a B Minus recommends that we treat adolescents as a blessing in spite of their eccentric hairstyles and clothing, and even in spite of their occasional rudeness. We shouldn’t let them become “handicapped royalty.” Instead, we should celebrate and cultivate their capacity for empathy and moral responsibility while acknowledging that we might not always succeed on the first try.
When I shared Mogel’s book with my own adolescent daughter and son, they both thumbed through it, nodding to each other and quoting to me from her words of wisdom. A book about adolescents could not receive a higher recommendation! Just when we think we are done parenting our adolescents, we adults have to wonder if they are ready for the challenges ahead in college. Colleges today offer a bewildering array of choices that might easily lead students to lose sight of the values that guided them as young people, so it is especially helpful to have two new guides for college students.
Jewish U guides students toward creating a Jewish life away from home when big questions arise: “Will it be OK (or even cool) if I put up a mezuzah?” “What if my roommate is really different from me?” “How will I celebrate Rosh Hashanah away from home for the first time?” The author, Scott Aaron, helps students to anticipate some of the most challenging moral decisions a student will face about sex, love, and drinking, and he provides guidance that can help independent-minded young people to make thoughtful choices. The author encourages students to explore their religious options, approaching Judaism like the liberal arts, exploring Jewish values and Jewish theologies while trying out a range of Jewish practices. This is a terrific read for high school students deciding where to apply, and it is useful in Jewish schools with college guidance offices.
College Knowledge includes 101 tips for a Jewish student at college. Some of the advice is not surprising: “Ask for Help” (#7), “Take Small Classes and Seminars” (#28), and “Find Your Voice and Take a Stand” (#54). The author, David Schoem, goes beyond the superficial level by explaining how students can follow up and make good use of his advice.
Encouraging readers to be open to new intellectual experiences, Schoem also advises, “Expand Your Comfort Zone and Change the World” (#5), “Develop Good Study Habits” (#6), and “Become Skilled at Different Ways of Knowing” (#35). Schoem also offers advice that helps students to grow in their self-concept: “Navigate and Learn from Your Experience as a Religious Minority on Campus” (#65) and “Make Your First Visit Home a Good Experience” (#82). This book can help to neutralize some of the inevitable anxiety around the life changes taking place during the college years. This is the kind of book that can sit by the bedside, read not necessarily from cover to cover, but opened instead from time to time like a compass that helps one to find one’s way out of the woods.
Additional books featured in this review:
Judd Kruger Levingston, Ph.D. and rabbi, serves as Director of Jewish Studies at Jack M. Barrack Hebrew Academy in the Philadelphia area. Levingston is the author of Sowing the Seeds of Character: The Moral Education of Adolescents in Public and Private Schools (Praeger, 2009).
