It’s that time of year…chocolates, flow­ers, jew­el­ry. Sap­py adver­tise­ments and red and pink store dis­plays. There are reminders every­where. It’s Valentine’s Day.

Sure, it’s a bit com­mer­cial (under­state­ment) but it’s all good. We know that. It’s beau­ti­ful to cel­e­brate love.

But what about if you don’t have a spe­cial some­one or even your favorite choco­late already lined up for a great Thurs­day night? (Or per­haps you have a lov­ing com­pan­ion but you’ve some­how lost your­self in the rela­tion­ship.) What­ev­er the rea­son, this day, with its cards and bal­loons, can­dy hearts and kitsch, is turn­ing your mood fifty shades of a rather abysmal gray. Instead of bring­ing you a great sense of joy and inti­ma­cy, this so-called cel­e­bra­tion feels more about absence or loss. And over the course of a day that seems to have some­how over­looked your very own pre­cious self, you find your­self think­ing, ​“I don’t have a valentine.” 

To which we respond, what do you mean you don’t have a valentine? 

Of course you have a valentine. 

Walk right into the bath­room. Grab a hold of the sink and look up. Yours will be right there wait­ing, look­ing you straight in the punim.

Even if you feel very alone at times, you always have a valen­tine. It’s you. 

That’s right. No mat­ter who is or isn’t in your life, you are your own ulti­mate bash­ert.

And nat­u­ral­ly, you’re fab­u­lous. How lucky you are to have you for a valentine. 

Because when you’re very your own valen­tine, you can cel­e­brate any way you want. 

How roman­tic it would be to buy your­self one per­fect red rose. Not a whole bou­quet. Just one per­fect­ly closed bud rep­re­sent­ing your love for your­self. Take this vul­ner­a­ble dar­ling home and place it in a vase. All it needs is just a lit­tle bit of water. 

Over the course of a few hours, watch your flower bloom as a sym­bol of you open­ing up to the undy­ing expres­sion of your own self love, show­ing your­self the great­est kind­ness, com­pas­sion and under­stand­ing, no mat­ter what life brings. 

Choose a song that opens your heart, and helps you dream a lit­tle dream, and dance with your­self. That’s right, ignite your own boo­gie fever. Don’t wor­ry what it looks like. There are no rules here. You don’t even have to watch.

Yes, it’s scary to be vul­ner­a­ble. Even to your­self. But it’s also easy to be your own best valen­tine, the kind that promis­es extreme self care, extreme self empa­thy, extreme self respect. Because when you tru­ly love your­self, every day is Valentine’s Day. 

So when you’re ready, grab a pen and some paper, or maybe even some bro­ken crayons, and make your­self a good old fash­ioned valen­tine. That’s right, make some vows to your­self, to be true to your­self, and be your most authen­tic self. If you find your­self sud­den­ly tongue tied, feel free to bor­row these ​“Mar­riage Vows to Me” tak­en straight from the pages of my book, Hot Mamalah.

It’s true, Valentine’s Day is a cel­e­bra­tion of sweet­hearts. Of rela­tion­ships. Of your choco­late tooth. We’re not deny­ing that. But that does­n’t mean it can’t also be about cel­e­brat­ing the sweet­ness of your own life and the most inti­mate rela­tion­ship you always have, the one with your­self. Isn’t it about time you com­mit to love, hon­or and cherish? 

Now go on. Get real with your­self and bring a lit­tle romance to your game. Valentine’s Day with your­self is EVERY day, forevermore.

That cer­tain­ly sounds like a great romance to me. 

Mazal tov, now you’re a hot mamalah! 

How do you know you’re a hot mamalah? 

Because you don’t have to work hard to be hot. You just have to be you. Your most authen­tic self is the hottest thing of all. 

How can you be sure you’re a hot mamalah? 

Because a hot mamalah loves and respects herself. 

How can you be pos­i­tive­ly cer­tain you’re a hot mamalah? 

Because a real mamalah is her own best valen­tine, today and every day. 

And when you wake up the morn­ing after, how do you remem­ber you’re a hot mamalah? 

You. Just. Do. 

Hap­py Valentine’s Day, You! 

Lisa Alcalay Klug is the author of Hot Mamalah: The Ulti­mate Guide for Every Woman of the Tribe and Cool Jew: The Ulti­mate Guide for Every Mem­ber of the Tribe.Her work has appeared in the New York Times, For­ward and many oth­er pub­li­ca­tions. Vis­it her online at lisak​lug​.com.Twit­ter @lisaklug | Face​book​.com/​l​i​s​a​a​l​c​a​l​a​yklug.